Common Maternal Mental Health Challenges We Address
The 17 Most Common Things We Hear New Moms Say
We often hear these sentiments from moms: I want to feel valued, appreciated and seen.
Physical care of your baby – sleep, feeding, socializing, – emotional care of your baby, creating a strong attachment, and parenting consciously – can all feel like a giant pressure that is too much for one person to handle.
It’s not uncommon to feel like a stranger in your own body.
Many birthing individuals express a sense of loss of their identity – feeling like they don’t know who they are outside of their mothering role.
Often we hear moms say they don’t want to burden people, and they worry that asking for help means they don’t have it together – they should be able to do it themselves. And so they feel guilt and shame when they really do need (more) help.
In this stage of life it’s not uncommon to experience deep pain around in-law and parent relationships. Many birthing individuals experience grandparents who won’t respect their boundaries, offer unsolicited advice, and criticize their parenting choices, and the resentment can really take hold, because we are desperate for their support.
Many women were raised to make others comfortable, and became “people pleasers” as a result – and perhaps they managed before kids, but the grind of parenting leaves so little space to take on more – and so when a parent can’t say no when they need to, and feels compelled to please others, even at their own expense, they run into trouble.
Many birthing folks find they have been so other-focused for so long that they feel disconnected from their own needs and desires which can feel tricky when they actually have a moment to themselves.
Constantly second guessing yourself and your choices. Thinking you should have natural maternal instincts and feeling terrible for being so confused and grumpy.
Strangers commenting on how your baby is dressed, feeling the need to explain why you’re bottle feeding and not wanting to tell anyone that you sleep trained (remove your) or that you’re co-sleeping with your baby.
Many primary parents feel blindsided by just how much of the mental and physical load of child and home care responsibility they absorb. You are not alone if you hold resentment towards your partner for resisting taking on more, acting like a hero when they do help, and for not seeing how impossible it is for you to work 24/7. Perhaps you are angry that your partner’s life hasn’t changed in the same way as yours and irritated that they’ve maintained hobbies and interests while you can’t even get your basic needs met.
Burnout is real and it can have a ripple effect that degrades your sense of self, your relationships and your ability to connect and enjoy this stage of life.
Many women express that they feel uncomfortable with or even ashamed of their postpartum body – When they have to get dressed to go somewhere, they feel depressed, irritable and also furious and embarrassed that they care as much as they do.
Being alone with your baby all day is incredibly hard – it is a one way relationship a lot of the time, and your need for connection – to be seen, to share in a joke, to commiserate, is not met for very long stretches. You’re not alone if you feel starved for adult conversation, and maybe guilty for feeling like you need more.
There are so many opportunities to get stuck in intense feelings in motherhood – You may find that after an emotional exchange or incident, you play scenarios over and over in your mind, unable to let go, with no real solution or resolution. You want to care less, to move on, but you don’t know how.
